A modern-day corporate love letter
Dearest Sanjana,I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in love with you since Tuesday, the 3th of Aug 2009.With reference to the meeting held between us on the 3th of Aug 2009 at 1500 hours, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover. Our love affair would be on probation for a period of no less than three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous relationship training and relationship appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse. The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broad-minded enough, to be taken care of, on your expense account. I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be canceled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.
Thanking you in anticipation.
Yours sincerely,
Karan
Installing Husband - Tech support
A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy Dear Tech Support , Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5..0 to Husband 1…0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0
IT Quotes
UNIX is simple. But It just needs a genius to understand its simplicity.Via Sathya's Tumbles
-Dennis Ritchie
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Before software can be reusable, it first has to be usable.
-Ralph Johnson
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Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad
judgment.
-Fred Brooks
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It’s hard enough to find an error in your code when you’re looking
for it;
It’s even harder when you’ve assumed your code is error-free.
-Steve McConnell Code Complete
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The trouble with the world is that the stupid are sure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
-Bertrand Russell
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If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.
-Edsger Dijkstra
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You can either have software quality or you can have pointer arithmetic;
You cannot have both at the same time.
-Bertrand Meyer
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There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third works.
-Alan J. Perlis
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Measuring programming progress by lines of code is like measuring aircraft building progress by weight.
-Bill Gates
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The first 90% of the code accounts for the first 90% of the development time.
The remaining 10% of the code accounts for the other 90% of the development time.
-Tom Cargill
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Programmers are in a race with the Universe to create bigger and better idiot-proof programs.
The Universe is trying to create bigger and better idiots.
So far the Universe is winning.
-Anonymous
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Theory is when you know something, but it doesn’t work.
Practice is when something works, but you don’t know why it works.
Programmers combine Theory and Practice: Nothing works and they don’t know why.
-Anonymous
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The Six Phases of a Project:
* Enthusiasm
* Disillusionment
* Panic
* Search for the Guilty
* Punishment of the Innocent
* Praise for non-participants
-Anonymous
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No matter how slick (efficient) the demo is in rehearsal, when you
do it in front of a live audience,
The probability of a flawless presentation is
Inversely proportional to the number of people watching,
Raised to the power of the amount of money involved.
-Anonymous
Why did the chicken cross the road?
KINDERGARTEN BOY To get to the other side.
PLATO For the greater good.
ARISTOTLE It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
KARL MARX It was a historical inevitability.
TIMOTHY LEARY Because that’s the only trip the establishment would let it take.
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
HIPPOCRATES Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR. I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
MOSES And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road.” And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
RICHARD M. NIXON The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.
MACHIAVELLI The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
BILL GATES The newly released Chicken 2003, will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.
DARWIN Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.
EINSTEIN Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference and relativity.
GEORGE BUSH We are committed to establishing a democracy where chickens freely cross roads without oppression from terrorist organizations.
Azharuddin I am totally innocent, you know, I’m unnecessarily being dragged into this, you know, because I’m from the minority….. I neither know the chicken nor the road, you know….
George Fernandes I am deeply hurt that this question is being asked after my 40 clean years of public life. I don’t own a house, or a car, leave alone a chicken !!!
Mulayam I demand a 50% reservation of the road for the chicken class, so that they can cross the road freely without their motives being questioned
ARJUN SINGH Our policy will ensure the development of socially underprivileged chickens so that they can also cross roads.
Abdul Kalam Yes, why did the chickens cross the road? .. please tell me why? .. they crossed to go to the other side of the road… now repeat after me ….
Advani I see Pakistani hand in this …
Vatal Nagaraj No Tamil or outside chickens will be allowed to cross our roads, our roads are meant only for Kanadiga chickens!.
Bal Thackarey Chickens crossing the roads is against our culture, my followers will stone all such chickens which cross the road.
Jayalalithaa From reliable sources I’ve got the information that the chicken belongs to Karunanidhi. He is making his chicken cross the road to create law & order problems. The chicken has now been imprisoned under POTA.
Amitabh Bachhan The chicken has crossed the road?.. are you sure.. very sure … really sure…
Venkaiah Naidu “We are very sure of the fact that the chicken did not cross the road. It’s a conspiracy by the congress. The poor chicken has been made a scapegoat in this whole issue”
H.S.Surjeet We are adopting a wait and watch policy. We have convened a meeting of the third front today. We will decide the future course of action after the chicken comes back..
Maneka Gandhi Chicken crossed the road alone…!! If a vehicle had passed over it, we would have lost one of our dearest creatures. Ban all vehicles from using the road. Protect our chickens…
Some quotes to spice up your brain….
1. There are no stupid questions, only stupid people.
2. Time is a great teacher…but unfortunately, it kills all its pupils.
3. Flying is learning how to throw yourself to the ground and miss.
4. You tried your best and failed miserably. The lesson is “Never try”.
5. If your wife wants to learn how to drive, don’t stand in her way.
6.. A computer once beat me @ chess…but, it was no match for me in kickboxing.
7. There are 3 sides in an argument: Your side, my side, and the right side.
8. Employees are like mules…for some, you stand in front and coax them along with a carrot. For others, you stand @ the back and kick them in the ass. The key to a successful business is knowing which mules are which.
9. Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with Microsoft Windows.
10. If you don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You just go in everyday and do it really half assed. That’s the American way.>
How Our Exams Would Be If The IPL Took Over
Cricket has reached exciting levels with IPL, infusing the same thing into exams, some suggestions:
1. Reduce exam duration to 1 hr and marks to 50.
2. Introduce strategic break after 30 minutes.
3. Give free hit, that is a chance for students to frame their own
questions and write answers.
4. 1st 15 minutes power play, that is no invigilator in the exam hall. (
everyone will love this….!!!)
5. Introduce fair play awards.
6. If any wrong question is asked you can give your own answer for the
next question ……………….FREE HIT……………….. !!!!!!!!!
And FINALLY:
7. Cheer girls to cheer for every correct answer written….!!!
(via santoshgs)
Via Santosh - MicroMe!
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